My Mother Taught Me Everything, Except How To Live Without Her

Hello!

We are one week post-wedding. For those that were't able to make it, it was beautiful. Many thanks to Dawn, Mary, and so many others for making it so and also saving me from my worst self. Also, many thanks to those who travelled to be with us. And hey…there was only one broken plate!

Mom always had hilarious wedding stories. There was the one with the cake that got licked by the cat, which may have been the same one where they held the reception in a nursing home. There was her first wedding where the bows wouldn't stay on the hats and more than one of the bridesmaid dresses didn't fit right. Speaking of which, those turned up on an ugly bridesmaid dress slideshow on the internet somewhere…sorry momma! In her honor, here are a few highlights from our big day.

1. The cake was incredibly late and it looked horrible. Many thanks to Mary, Dawn, and my wonderful husband for preventing a total meltdown upon my seeing it.

2. Karissa managed to dislocate her patella two days before the wedding, so she made her way down the aisle in a lovely black and blue full leg brace. Luckily the processional song was long ;)

3. Despite it being a million degrees during rehearsal on Friday, come Sunday it was cloudy and raining in the morning. The rain subsided but the clouds stuck around. Everyone tells me it was gorgeous weather, but I still wish there would have been sun. Oh well. I'm sure mom would have loved the grayness. It is good for the Earth she would say. We are in the midst of a drought after all.

4. After leaning forward over my plate to eat, I somehow deformed the boning in my dress slightly so it was struggling to keep my dress from falling down and I am sure I nearly flashed more than one guest. You're welcome I guess.

5. We somehow managed to run out of food before everyone was fed, but many thanks to Wild Duck Catering for getting more before I even knew we had run out.

6. The day before the wedding Nathan calls and says we only have 3 ties, not 4. What?! It took months for us to agree on those ties and now you are telling me that the ties will not all be matching and you are going out to purchase a fourth tie without me? Fabulous.

Getting married without mom by my side was easier than expected, but it is all hitting me now. I guess I was too busy trying not to pass out to notice who was or was not yanking the strings tight on my dress (thank you Mary and Sarah). Both Dawn and Mary stepped in and were mom's voice when I was losing it. And, in Dawn's words, mom smacked her upside the head and saved me from some serious fashion mistakes leading up to the big day. However, as I look back on the photos and the day as a whole, I am reminded that there was something missing. Something huge.

Instead of mom by dad's side in our family photo, there is a vase of sunflowers. They were beautiful sunflowers, but they weren't mom. More people than I can count cried when I walked down the aisle and they saw me in my dress, but not a single one of them was my mom. By the guest book table stood a sign in memory of those we loved who passed before our big day and smack in the middle was not a photo of some barely known great aunt or a grandparent who lived to be 110, but rather mom. Now that I think of it, every single person that was on that board was taken by cancer. Fuck you cancer.

As requested, we all danced the Hora and I hope she was there with us, laughing as we stepped on each others' toes and confused each other by trying to form two circles mid dance. That's my fault. Sorry!

My mother taught me a lot of lessons I tried to remember coming into the wedding and I am still trying to remember now in my married life. The marriage is more important than the wedding. Nothing is perfect so don't kill yourself trying to make it so. Listen to each other and learn to talk to each other, not at each other (this one came from dad too). Be honest. Now that I have a minute to sit and reflect, my mother taught me everything except how to live without her. Who knew I would have to teach myself so soon.

Until Next Time,

Karina